Locus of Control: Key to Building a Winning Mindset

Locus of Control

In the pursuit of greatness, whether in sports, business, or personal development, one of the most critical yet often overlooked factors is the concept of locus of control. This psychological framework is a cornerstone for building a winning mindset, allowing individuals to navigate challenges, seize opportunities, and maintain resilience in the face of adversity. Understanding and harnessing your locus of control can be the difference between a life defined by empowerment or one constrained by external forces.

What is Locus of Control?

Locus of control is a term coined by psychologist Julian Rotter in the 1950s. It refers to the degree to which individuals believe they have control over the outcomes of events in their lives. This belief system falls on a continuum between two extremes: internal control and external control.

Internal Locus of Control: Individuals with strong internal control believe that their actions, decisions, and efforts directly influence the results they experience. They see themselves as the architects of their destiny, understanding that their choices have a significant impact on their success or failure.

External Locus of Control: Conversely, those with strong external control attribute their outcomes to factors beyond their control, such as luck, fate, or the actions of others. These individuals often feel like pawns in a game, with little influence over their circumstances.

While most people fall somewhere in between these two extremes, the prevailing orientation of your locus of control can have profound implications on your mindset and approach to challenges.

The Connection Between Locus of Control and a Winning Mindset

A winning mindset is characterized by optimism, resilience, determination, and a relentless pursuit of goals. It is the mental foundation upon which success is built. The locus of control plays a crucial role in shaping this mindset by influencing how you perceive and react to the events around you.

Empowerment vs. Victimhood:

internal versus external locus of control

Individuals with internal control tend to adopt an empowering mindset. They see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, believing that they have the power to influence the outcome. This sense of control fuels their motivation, driving them to take action even when faced with obstacles.
On the other hand, those with external control often fall into a victimhood mentality. They view challenges as insurmountable barriers imposed by external forces, which leads to feelings of helplessness and a lack of initiative. This mindset can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the lack of effort results in failure, reinforcing the belief that success is out of reach.

Responsibility and Accountability:

A key component of a winning mindset is taking responsibility for one’s actions and outcomes. Those with an internal locus of control are more likely to accept responsibility for their successes and failures. This accountability allows them to learn from their mistakes, make adjustments, and improve over time.
In contrast, an external locus of control can lead to a tendency to blame others or external circumstances for one’s failures. This deflection of responsibility hinders personal growth and prevents individuals from making the necessary changes to achieve their goals.

Resilience and Adaptability:

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and continue pursuing goals despite adversity. An internal locus of control fosters resilience by reinforcing the belief that you have the power to overcome challenges. This mindset encourages adaptability, as individuals are more likely to see setbacks as temporary and within their control to change.
Those with an external locus of control may struggle with resilience, as they are more likely to view setbacks as permanent or out of their control. This can lead to a sense of defeatism and a reluctance to try again after failure.
Goal Setting and Achievement:

Individuals with an internal locus of control are more proactive in setting and pursuing goals. They believe that their efforts will directly impact their ability to achieve these goals, which motivates them to work hard and stay focused.
Conversely, those with an external locus of control may be less likely to set ambitious goals or put in the effort required to achieve them, believing that external factors will ultimately determine their success.

Real-Life Examples of Locus of Control in Action

To truly understand the impact of locus of control on building a winning mindset, it helps to look at real-life examples of individuals and scenarios where this concept has played a pivotal role.

Example 1: Michael Jordan’s Internal Locus of Control

Michael Jordan, widely regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all time, is a prime example of someone with a strong internal locus of control. Jordan believed that his success was directly tied to his work ethic, determination, and relentless pursuit of excellence. His famous quote, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed,” reflects his internal locus of control. Jordan understood that his failures were stepping stones to success and that he had the power to shape his destiny through his actions.

Example 2: The Rise of J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, also exemplifies the power of an internal locus of control. Before becoming a literary sensation, Rowling faced numerous rejections from publishers and struggled with personal challenges, including financial hardship. However, she believed in her ability to succeed and continued to persevere despite the setbacks. Her internal locus of control fueled her determination to keep writing and pursuing her dream, ultimately leading to one of the most successful book series in history.

Example 3: The Dangers of an External Locus of Control in Sports

In contrast, consider the example of athletes who blame external factors for their failures—such as referees, weather conditions, or the actions of opponents. This external locus of control can lead to a defeatist attitude, where athletes feel that their success is out of their hands. This mindset can prevent them from taking the necessary steps to improve their performance, leading to a cycle of underachievement.

Example 4: The Business World and Locus of Control

In the business world, leaders with an internal locus of control are more likely to innovate, take calculated risks, and drive their companies forward. They understand that their decisions and strategies play a crucial role in the success or failure of their organization. On the other hand, leaders with an external locus of control may be more risk-averse, often waiting for external conditions to improve before taking action. This can lead to missed opportunities and stagnation.

Cultivating an Internal Locus of Control for a Winning Mindset

Building a winning mindset requires cultivating an internal locus of control. While some individuals may naturally lean towards an internal or external locus of control, it is possible to shift your mindset through conscious effort and practice.

Self-Reflection and Awareness:

The first step in shifting your locus of control is to become aware of your current mindset. Reflect on how you typically respond to challenges and setbacks. Do you tend to take responsibility for your actions, or do you blame external factors? Awareness is the first step towards change.

Focus on What You Can Control:

Start by identifying the aspects of your life and goals that are within your control. This could include your attitude, effort, and the decisions you make. By focusing on what you can control, you empower yourself to take action and influence the outcomes you desire.

Set Achievable Goals:

Break down your larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. This not only makes your goals more manageable but also reinforces the belief that your actions directly impact your progress. Each small victory will strengthen your internal locus of control.

Take Responsibility for Your Actions:

Embrace accountability for both your successes and failures. When you succeed, acknowledge the role your effort played in achieving that success. When you fail, analyze what you could have done differently and use it as a learning experience. This approach fosters a growth mindset and reinforces the belief that you have control over your outcomes.

Surround Yourself with Positive Influences:

The people you surround yourself with can have a significant impact on your mindset. Seek out individuals who embody internal control and a winning mindset. Their attitude and approach to challenges will inspire you to adopt a similar perspective.

Practice Resilience and Adaptability:

Life is full of unexpected challenges, but how you respond to them defines your success. Cultivate resilience by viewing setbacks as temporary and within your power to overcome. Develop adaptability by being open to new strategies and solutions when faced with obstacles.

Celebrate Your Progress:

Finally, take time to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your progress reinforces the belief that your actions have a direct impact on your success, further solidifying your internal control of your mindset.

The Last Word on …
Locus of Control in Building a Winning Mindset

Your locus of control is a powerful determinant of your mindset and ultimately your success. By cultivating an internal locus of control, you empower yourself to take charge of your destiny, embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, and maintain resilience in the face of adversity. This mindset is the foundation upon which greatness is built, enabling you to achieve your goals and live a life defined by purpose and fulfillment.

In the journey to building a winning mindset, remember that you are the author of your story. The decisions you make, the effort you put in, and the resilience you demonstrate will determine the outcome. Embrace your power, take control, and watch as you turn your dreams into reality.

Ericksonian Stories (ES): Unleashing the Power of Conversational Hypnosis Stories

A Key Method for Building a Winning Mindset

In a world inundated with relentless stimulation and constant pressures, the quest for mental resilience and a winning mindset has never been more crucial. At the heart of this journey is the transformative power of storytelling, particularly through the lens of Ericksonian stories (ES). As a coach, speaker, and curator of narratives that empower and enlighten, I’ve integrated the essence of Ericksonian principles into stories designed to subtly shift thinking patterns and inspire profound personal growth. In this post, I will delve into why Ericksonian Stories are instrumental in building a winning mindset, and how they can be a game-changer in your personal and professional life.

Ericksonian Stories

The Foundations of Ericksonian Conversational Hypnosis

Before understanding the impact of Ericksonian Stories, it is essential to grasp the basics of the methodology it employs. Developed by Dr. Milton H. Erickson, Ericksonian conversational hypnosis is a psychotherapeutic approach that is radically different from traditional hypnosis. Unlike the directive techniques of classical hypnosis, Erickson’s method is characterized by its gentle, permissive, and often indirect approach. Erickson believed that the unconscious mind is always listening and that it could be guided toward healing and change through the use of stories, metaphors, and indirect suggestions. This method bypasses the conscious mind’s natural defenses, making it easier to influence deep-seated beliefs and behaviors without resistance.

In Ericksonian hypnosis, the focus is on engaging the unconscious mind in a way that feels natural and unforced. Rather than issuing commands or directives, the storyteller uses carefully crafted narratives that resonate on a personal level, allowing listeners to draw their own conclusions and insights. This approach empowers individuals to discover solutions and new perspectives on their own terms, fostering a sense of ownership and internal motivation—critical components of a winning mindset.

Why Storytelling Matters in Building a Winning Mindset

Storytelling is one of the oldest and most powerful tools for learning and personal development. Stories are not just a form of entertainment; they are a means of transmitting knowledge, values, and lessons across generations. When we hear a story, we don’t just listen passively; we engage emotionally and intellectually, placing ourselves in the narrative, relating to the characters, and internalizing the message.

A winning mindset is not just about motivation or positivity; it’s about having the right mental frameworks and attitudes that enable you to overcome obstacles, learn from failures, and keep pushing forward toward your goals. Stories, particularly those designed with Ericksonian principles, help shape these mental frameworks by embedding powerful, transformative ideas in a way that feels organic and self-driven.

How Ericksonian Stories Foster a Winning Mindset

Now that we understand the mechanics behind Ericksonian conversational hypnosis, let’s explore how these stories can be pivotal in developing a winning mindset.

Cultivating Resilience Through Metaphor and Symbolism

One of the key elements of Ericksonian Stories is the use of metaphors and symbols. These tools allow listeners to connect with complex ideas on an intuitive level. For example, a story about a tree that bends but doesn’t break during a storm can symbolize resilience. As you listen, you unconsciously start to internalize the message that flexibility and adaptability are strengths. Over time, this lesson becomes part of your mental toolkit, ready to be applied when you face challenges in real life.

Encouraging Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

Ericksonian Stories are designed to prompt self-reflection. Rather than offering explicit advice, they invite you to consider your own experiences and perspectives. For instance, a story about a character who overcomes fear by gradually facing it in small steps might inspire you to think about areas in your life where you can take similar incremental steps toward growth. This process of introspection is vital for building a winning mindset, as it encourages continuous self-improvement and a deeper understanding of your motivations and behaviors.

Reframing Challenges as Opportunities

A critical aspect of a winning mindset is the ability to reframe challenges as opportunities for growth. Ericksonian Stories often feature protagonists who face significant obstacles but ultimately find ways to turn these challenges into stepping stones toward success. By listening to these narratives, you begin to see your own struggles in a new light—not as insurmountable barriers, but as opportunities to learn, adapt, and emerge stronger.

Enhancing Creativity and Problem-Solving Skills

Creativity and problem-solving are essential components of a winning mindset. Ericksonian Stories stimulate these abilities by presenting scenarios that require creative thinking and unconventional solutions. As you engage with these stories, your mind naturally begins to explore new ways of approaching problems, both within the narrative and in your own life. This enhanced creativity can lead to innovative solutions and a greater capacity to navigate complex situations.

Building Confidence and Self-Efficacy

Confidence is a cornerstone of a winning mindset. Ericksonian Stories often depict characters who start with self-doubt but gradually build confidence through their experiences. As you identify with these characters, you begin to absorb their journeys as your own, bolstering your belief in your ability to achieve your goals. This increase in self-efficacy—your belief in your ability to influence events and outcomes in your life—is crucial for taking bold actions and persisting in the face of adversity.

Reducing Stress and Enhancing Focus

The indirect, soothing nature of Ericksonian Stories also serves to reduce stress and enhance focus. A calm mind is more resilient, better able to concentrate, and more effective in decision-making. By regularly engaging with these stories, you cultivate a mental environment that is conducive to maintaining a winning mindset, even in high-pressure situations.

Choosing the Right Ericksonian Story for You

With a better understanding of how Ericksonian Stories can contribute to a winning mindset, the next step is to choose a story that resonates with your current needs or challenges. At our podcast page, you’ll find a variety of stories categorized by theme, such as overcoming fear, building confidence, or fostering creativity. Each story is designed with specific mental and emotional benefits in mind, allowing you to select one that aligns with where you are in your personal growth journey.

Here’s how to choose your first story:

Identify Your Current Challenge: Consider what aspect of your mindset or life you want to improve. Are you struggling with confidence? Facing a difficult decision? Looking to boost your resilience? Knowing your challenge will help you select a story that speaks directly to your needs.

Browse by Theme: On my podcast and YouTube channel, you’ll find stories listed by themes that address common challenges and goals. Read the descriptions and see which story resonates with you.

Start with What Feels Right: Sometimes, the best approach is to trust your intuition. If a particular story title or description catches your eye, start there. The narrative that draws you in is likely the one that will have the most impact.

Integrating Ericksonian Stories into Your Routine

To fully harness the power of Ericksonian Stories in building a winning mindset, consider integrating them into your daily or weekly routine. Here are some tips for making the most of these narratives:

Listen During Quiet Times: Find a time when you can listen without distractions—perhaps during your morning routine, a lunch break, or before bed. This will allow you to fully engage with the story and absorb its lessons.

Reflect After Listening: Take a few minutes after each story to reflect on what it meant to you. How does the story relate to your life? What insights did you gain? This reflection is where the real growth happens.

Discuss with Others: Sharing and discussing the stories with friends, colleagues, or a coach can deepen your understanding and reinforce the lessons. It’s also an excellent way to build a supportive community focused on personal growth.

Revisit Stories as Needed: Sometimes, a story will resonate differently at different points in your life. Don’t hesitate to revisit stories that you’ve heard before; you may find new insights that you missed the first time.

The Broader Impact of Ericksonian Stories

While the primary goal of Ericksonian Stories is to foster a winning mindset, their impact can extend far beyond personal growth. These stories can also influence how you interact with others, approach your career, and contribute to your community. By cultivating a mindset rooted in resilience, creativity, and confidence, you’re better equipped to inspire and lead those around you. Whether you’re a leader in your field, an entrepreneur, a parent, or someone simply striving to be their best self, the principles embedded in these stories can serve as a foundation for broader positive change.

Some final thoughts:
The Journey Toward a Winning Mindset

Building a winning mindset is a journey—one that requires ongoing effort, reflection, and growth. Ericksonian Stories offer a powerful tool to support this journey, providing the mental and emotional nourishment needed to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. By engaging with these narratives, you not only entertain and educate yourself but also plant the seeds for lasting personal transformation.

I invite you to explore the articles related to these Ericksonian stories at www.CoachWheeler.com or listen to the stories via our podcast on Spotify and YouTube so you can begin integrating them into your life. Whether you’re just starting on your path to personal growth or looking to deepen your existing practices, Ericksonian Stories can be a catalyst for change, helping you to cultivate the mindset needed to win in every aspect of life. Let’s embark on this journey together—one story at a time.

Feeding The Roots: Success Inputs

Coach Wheeler's Formula for Success
Are you feeding the Roots of your future Success?

Below, you will find a selection of books related to the deepest level success inputs in Coach Wheeler’s “Roots of Success” diagram. These books can help illuminate the concepts that underlie each facet of success as described in the framework.

Note: If you purchase through the links in this post, you will be helping Coach Wheeler pay for this website and keep the content coming your way!

Success Inputs for Passion:
Vision and Mission

Vision:

“Start With Why” by Simon Sinek
Sinek explores how leaders and organizations can inspire others by identifying and communicating their “Why” or core purpose. He emphasizes that those who lead with ‘why’ are able to inspire and engage others more effectively.

“The Art of Possibility” by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
This book is a guide to opening up one’s mind to the possibilities that exist within every situation. By aligning your vision with what’s possible, you can transform not only your personal life but also your professional endeavors.

“Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown
Summary: Brown provides insight into how to embrace vulnerability and uncertainty to create a more courageous and visionary leadership style. Her research-backed approach helps readers cultivate an authentic and inspiring vision.

Mission:

“The 4 Disciplines of Execution” by Chris McChesney, Sean Covey, and Jim Huling
This book focuses on how to execute strategy and mission with excellence. The authors present four essential disciplines that empower organizations to achieve their wildly important goals.

Good to Great by Jim Collins

“Good to Great” by Jim Collins
Collins examines how companies transition from being good to great, outlining the systematic process and the disciplined focus on mission that differentiates great companies. Two thumbs up from Coach Wheeler!

“Mastering the Rockefeller Habits” by Verne Harnish
Harnish presents a guide to business strategy focusing on clear planning and disciplined execution. The book offers tools and strategies for companies to define their mission and execute it successfully.

Success Inputs for Health:
Food, Sleep/Recovery, and Play

Food:

“The Omnivore’s Dilemma” by Michael Pollan
Pollan takes readers on an exploration of food choices, looking at the ethical and environmental implications of what we eat. He emphasizes the importance of conscious eating for personal and planetary health.

“Eat to Live” by Joel Fuhrman
Dr. Fuhrman provides a comprehensive guide on nutritional science, offering a diet that focuses on nutrient-dense foods to enhance overall wellness.

“In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollan
Pollan provides an easy-to-follow guide to eating healthily, boiling it down to the mantra, “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.” His insights encourage mindful eating based on real, whole foods.

Sleep/Recovery:

“Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker
A comprehensive exploration of the vital importance of sleep, this book delves into the science of sleep and its profound impact on our health, brain function, and quality of life.

“The Sleep Revolution” by Arianna Huffington
Huffington addresses the sleep deprivation crisis, arguing for a cultural shift that recognizes the importance of rest and recovery in our fast-paced world.

“Sleep Smarter” by Shawn Stevenson
Stevenson offers actionable insights and tips to optimize sleep quality, emphasizing how proper sleep supports overall wellness.

Play:

“Play” by Stuart Brown
Brown argues that play is not just essential for children but for adults too. He explores the science of play and how it improves creativity, innovation, and overall happiness.

“The Playful Brain” by Sergio Pellis and Vivien Pellis
This book delves into the neurobiology of play, showing how it shapes the brain and development, offering insights into why play is crucial for social and cognitive growth.

“Free to Learn” by Peter Gray
Gray explores how play and curiosity drive learning, advocating for an educational approach that incorporates play and self-directed learning.

Success Inputs for Conscienceness:
Accountability and Responsibility (A&R)

Accountability:

“The Oz Principle: Getting Results Through Individual and Organizational Accountability” by Roger Connors, Tom Smith, and Craig Hickman
This book focuses on how personal and organizational accountability leads to success and fulfillment. It offers practical strategies to take ownership and achieve better results.

“The Accountability Revolution” by Mark Samuel
Samuel presents a fresh perspective on accountability, emphasizing its role as a positive and empowering force within organizations.

“Ownership Thinking” by Brad Hams
Hams introduces a model of employee engagement based on accountability and ownership thinking, showing how to create a culture where employees think and act like owners.

Responsibility:

“Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
Two Navy SEALs share their leadership lessons on taking full responsibility and leading effectively under pressure.

“The Responsibility Virus” by Roger L. Martin
Martin explores the tendency to either take on too much responsibility or shirk it entirely. He provides a guide to balancing responsibility and empowering others.

“The Power of Responsibility” by Joelle Casteix
This motivational book offers a step-by-step guide to embracing personal responsibility, focusing on empowerment, healing, and personal growth.

Success Inputs for Knowledge:
Independent, Structured, General, Specialized and Memory/Recall

Independent Knowledge:

“The 4-Hour Chef” by Tim Ferriss
Ferriss explores how to learn anything rapidly and effectively. He offers a method for independent knowledge acquisition that can be applied to various subjects.

“Ultralearning” by Scott Young
Young provides a guide to mastering hard skills and acquiring knowledge independently. His methods are geared towards self-driven learners who want to achieve more in less time.

Structured Knowledge:

“Make It Stick” by Peter C. Brown, Henry L. Roediger III, and Mark A. McDaniel
This book explores the science of learning and provides insights into how to structure knowledge acquisition for long-term retention.

“How to Create a Mind” by Ray Kurzweil
Kurzweil investigates how the brain works, focusing on pattern recognition and the hierarchical structure of knowledge.

“Building a Better Teacher” by Elizabeth Green
Green offers a look at the art and science of teaching, exploring how effective education is structured and what it takes to foster deep understanding.

General Knowledge:

“A Short History of Nearly Everything” by Bill Bryson
Bryson takes readers on a tour of science and history, providing a comprehensive overview of general knowledge across various domains.

“The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy” by E.D. Hirsch, Joseph F. Kett, and James Trefil
This reference book offers a guide to essential concepts and terms that everyone should know, fostering general cultural literacy.

“Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” by Yuval Noah Harari
Harari explores the history and impact of Homo sapiens, providing a broad understanding of human history, society, and culture.

Specialized Knowledge:

“Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell
Gladwell investigates why some people succeed, focusing on specialized knowledge, practice, and the various factors that contribute to high levels of success.

“Deep Work” by Cal Newport
Newport explores how deep, focused work leads to mastery and specialization. He offers practical advice for those seeking to hone specialized skills and knowledge.

“The Talent Code” by Daniel Coyle
Coyle explores how talent is developed, focusing on deep practice and specialized training. He provides insights into how anyone can develop specialized skills and expertise.

Memory/Recall:

“Moonwalking with Einstein” by Joshua Foer
Foer explores the art of memorizing and the science of memory, offering practical techniques to enhance memory and recall.

“The Memory Book” by Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas
This classic guide offers a range of techniques to improve memory, from simple tricks to advanced systems, suitable for anyone looking to enhance recall.

“Make Your Brain Smarter” by Sandra Bond Chapman, Ph.D.
Chapman provides strategies to increase brain performance and memory recall, focusing on scientifically proven methods to enhance cognitive function.

Inputs for Social Skills:
EQ Intelligence and Interpersonal skills

Intelligence of Emotions (EQ):

“Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
Bradberry and Greaves offer a step-by-step program to increase emotional intelligence, focusing on four core EQ skills that drive success.

“Primal Leadership” by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee
This book focuses on leadership and the role of emotional intelligence in building strong relationships, teams, and organizations.

“Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown
Brown explores the power of vulnerability and empathy, emphasizing how emotional intelligence and connection can lead to a more fulfilled and courageous life.

Interpersonal Skills:

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Carnegie’s timeless classic provides practical advice on effective communication, understanding others, and building lasting relationships.

“Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert B. Cialdini
Cialdini explores the principles of persuasion and influence, offering insights into how to communicate and connect with others more effectively.

“Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
This book offers techniques for handling difficult and crucial conversations, focusing on communication skills that foster understanding and collaboration.

Inputs for Problem Solving:
IQ (basic intelligence) and Creativity

IQ (Basic Intelligence):

“Thinking, Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman
Kahneman, a Nobel laureate, explores the dual-process model of the brain, revealing how our thinking is divided into intuitive and logical processes.

“The Mismeasure of Man” by Stephen Jay Gould
Gould challenges traditional measures of intelligence, providing a critical examination of IQ testing and the nature of intelligence.

“The Intelligence Trap” by David Robson
Robson explores how intelligent people make irrational decisions and offers insights into how to think more critically and effectively.

Creativity:

“The Creative’s Curse” by Todd Brison
Brison provides a guide for creative minds, offering insights into how to nurture creativity and overcome the challenges that creative individuals often face.

“Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert
Gilbert offers a warm and wise perspective on creativity, encouraging readers to embrace inspiration and live a creative life without fear.

“The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield
Pressfield explores the internal barriers to creativity and offers motivation and guidance for overcoming resistance and unleashing creative potential.

Wrap UP…

These books cover a wide array of topics or “success inputs” related to the deepest-level inputs of the “Roots of Success” diagram created by . By delving into these texts, readers can gain a deeper understanding of the core concepts that shape success and personal development. Whether focusing on passion, health, conscience, intelligence, or social skills, these readings offer valuable insights and practical applications to foster growth and achievement.

Remember, success is not merely a destination but a journey shaped by continuous learning, self-reflection, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. By embracing these principles and integrating the wisdom contained within these books, you are paving the way toward a more fulfilling and successful life.

Now, let’s get off our metaphorical backsides and dive into these enriching resources! How will you take the next step in your personal or professional development?

The Need for Speed

The Importance of Speed in Basketball

Basketball is a game of intensity and quick transitions. A key determinant of success in this adrenaline-fueled sport is speed. But when we say ‘speed,’ we’re not merely referring to how fast a player can sprint from one end of the court to the other. Speed in basketball is multidimensional—it encompasses physical agility, mental acuity, and strategic adaptability.

Physical Speed and Agility

Strength and agility allow an athlete to exercise better control. An agile athlete can change direction quickly and outrun his/her opponent.

Norbert Juma, Editor of EverydayPower.com

At its core, basketball requires physical speed. The ability to swiftly maneuver around the court, both offensively and defensively, can have a profound impact on a player’s performance. The ability to move confidently allows players to reach the basket quicker, defend more effectively, and react to changes in the game instantaneously. It can mean the difference between a well-executed fast break and a missed opportunity.

Speed also ties in closely with agility—the capacity to change direction quickly and efficiently. Agile players are able to dodge defenders, swiftly shift between offensive and defensive modes, and maintain control of the ball under pressure. As Bill Russell famously said, “Quickness is the essence of the game.”

Mental Agility and Decision-Making

“Speed is not just about moving fast;
it’s about making fast decisions.”

John Wooden

Speed, however, is not solely a physical attribute. Cognitive agility —the ability to quickly process information, make decisions, and react accordingly—is equally vital in basketball. When a player has the ball, they need to rapidly assess the situation, consider their options, and make a decision, all in a matter of seconds. This mental agility significantly influences a player’s effectiveness on the court.

Quick decision-making can contribute to efficient plays, reduced turnovers, and well-timed passes. It’s a key factor in running a smooth offense and making split-second decisions that can change the course of the game. As the great basketball coach John Wooden once stated, “Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

Strategically Fast and Adaptable?

Finally, strategic speed—the capability to adapt game plans in response to the opponent’s tactics—plays an instrumental role in basketball. In a dynamic and unpredictable game, a team’s ability to quickly adjust their strategy can be the difference between winning and losing.

Coaches and players must observe the opposing team, recognize patterns, anticipate their moves, and adjust their own tactics on the fly. Successful teams are those that can swiftly shift strategies without losing momentum, capitalizing on their strengths and exploiting their opponents’ weaknesses.

Training for Speed

Given its vital role in basketball, it’s essential for players to train for speed. This includes both physical training—such as sprinting drills, agility ladders, and plyometric exercises—and cognitive training, such as learning to read the game, understanding different strategies, and practicing quick decision-making.

But as Michael Jordan suggested, it’s not about wishing for it to happen; it’s about making it happen. Consistent effort, perseverance, and a growth mindset are required to improve speed. Every practice, every drill, every game is an opportunity to become faster—physically, mentally, and strategically.

Do you have “The Need for Speed”?

I feel very comfortable going at full speed.

Steve Nash, NBA All Star and League MVP

In basketball, speed is far more than just a physical trait—it’s a fundamental element that permeates every aspect of the game. From physical agility to mental acuity, from strategic adaptability to constant learning, speed in its various forms can give players and teams a significant advantage.

In the words of the great basketball coach, Phil Jackson, “Basketball is a sport that involves the subtle interweaving of players at full speed to the point where they are thinking and moving as one.” Speed—whether physical, mental, or strategic—is at the heart of this interweaving, and mastering it is crucial to basketball success.

So, whether you’re a player aiming to improve your game or a coach looking to guide your team to victory, remember—the importance of speed in basketball can never be overstated. As the game continues to evolve, speed remains a key component, underscoring its timeless relevance in this fast-paced sport.

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Mental Management – Start Training Your Brain

I just listened to a couple great podcasts about Mental Management (here are the links… Trail Runner Nation podcast and Brandon Webb’s podcast). Mental Management is a way to train your brain for high performance developed by Olympic Gold Medalist Lanny Bassham and if you have not read it yet you might want to read this previous post which includes an excerpt on Mental Management from Brandon Webb’s book “Red Circle”.

This is what I picked up
about Mental Management
from the podcasts…

There are three parts to our mental processes. They are the conscious, subconscious and the often overlooked self-image. The conscious is where we “think our thoughts”. The subconscious is where our skills are embedded (and much of our programming such as our values and beliefs are stored). The Self Image, according to Lanny Bassham, is often missed or overlooked.

A champion has a strong self image which means that they have confidence in their ability to perform at a high level during competition.

How do I build a strong self image?

At any moment, your self image is either becoming stronger or weaker based on the inputs that are received. Inputs might come from your conscious mind (the thoughts you think) or they may come from external sources such as family / friends / coaches or media. These inputs might say “You aren’t good enough.” or “You can do it.” but the key is which inputs are ACCEPTED! We have the ability to program our self image based on the thoughts that we accept and which ones we challenge.

Mental Management by Lanny Bassham

How Lanny lost the gold medal…

“Imagine the pressure that must be on him. Everyone expects him to win the gold medal. The only thing he can do is lose it.” This, or something similar, is what Lanny overheard from other competitors on the bus during his first olympics when he was coming in favored to win the gold medal.

What happened?

The conversation got “into his head” and Lanny had one of his worst performances in competition.  He ended up winning the silver medal, but it was a major disappointment for Lanny.

After those olympics in Munich Germany, Lanny spoke to psychologists to find out what went wrong. The response from psychologists of that time (1970’s) was that they felt they could definitely help him… learn to accept that winning the silver was good enough. Lanny wasn’t ready to accept silver so he reached out to gold medalists to find out how their thought processes worked so they could achieve at the highest levels.

With Winning In MindWhat he found out was what he turned into his Mental Management system and used to win the gold medal in the next Olympic games.

“The Mental Game isn’t just on Game Day. It is every day.” – Wendell Cherry, Hall of Fame Marksman

Building the Self Image of a Champion

Your Self Image keeps you in your Comfort Zone.  You need to re-program your self image through the things you say to yourself and the things that other people say which you accept as true.  Don’t defeat yourself.

You train your Self Image.

Mamba Mentality – a tribute to Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant coined the phrase, “Mamba Mentality” to describe his approach… to basketball, to competition, to life.

Mamba Mentality - tribute to Kobe BryantAs a life-long Celtics fan, it was hard for me to root for a Lakers player but you have to respect Kobe Bryant and his approach to the game of basketball. With his untimely passing, the time was right to take a look at how his mind worked and hopefully discover some of the secrets to his success.

I recently found the video below and it provides some of the best insights into how Kobe approached the game and his life. I’m not sure what else I can say except that it is well worth watching. If you want to be one of the best at something, this video will give you ideas that you can implement today. If you feel like you didn’t really know Kobe Bryant aside from his basketball career, this video provides glimpses into many other dimensions of the man.

I encourage you to watch this video and if you like it, please leave a comment below.

What did you think?
What can you learn from the Mamba Mentality?

Are you putting in the effort that is required to get what you SAY you want? Does your daily process and habits support your goals?

Do you have the Mamba Mentality? Are you serious about your game? Your life?

Tai Chi for Sports

Ancient Warrior Movement Protocol (tm)We just announced the first “Ancient Warrior Movement Protocol (TM)” workshop that will show you how to use Tai Chi for Sports performance improvement! It will be held at the Marlborough School on Sunday, June 17th (Father’s Day) from 5:30-6:30pm. Doors open at 5pm.

Click on the picture to the right to see the flyer with more information. You can signup for the event on the new CoachWheeler Facebook Page (be sure to “Like” the page when you visit too).

As a bit of a preview for the upcoming session, we found this Tai Chi for Sports Performance video on YouTube…

The video above is geared toward Soccer (not basketball) and is not the featured instructor for our upcoming Ancient Warrior Movement Protocol ™ session. The video does provide a couple of good ideas that will help prevent injuries while giving athletes a competitive advantage.

The Ancient Warrior Protocol training session will feature Linda Peck who is a certified Tai Chi instructor and 2nd degree black belt in the martial arts version of Tai Chi. She has worked with athletes ranging from football to tennis player and even runners.

Hope to see you at the Ancient Warrior training session ! It will be an interesting workout that will introduce beginners to the concept of Tai Chi for Sports. All are welcome. Sign up today!

 

Coach Wheeler’s Formula for Success

Coach Wheeler's Formula for SuccessThis article is a little different from the other ones on this blog. Different in a good way.  The topic of Success is probably more related to your career or life in general… and less “basketball specific”. I think you will find that  Coach Wheeler’s “Formula for Success” is in the vein of John Wooden’s “Pyramid of Success” that he taught his players at UCLA. If you want to “build a winning mindset”, you will definitely be interested in Coach Wheeler’s “Formula for Success”.

What kind of Formula for Success
are we talking about?

While Wheeler’s Formula for Success is primarily focused on business or career success, it can be applied in other ways. (I am hoping you will leave a comment after reading this article saying how you are going to apply the ideas in your life.) If you are looking for financial success, whether you have a job or a business, you will certainly find this “thinking framework” helpful.

Inspired by…

12 Rules for lifeThe top level concept, that your “volume & quality of work” determines your overall success, was inspired by Jordan B. Peterson. He is a clinical psychologist, tenured Professor at University of Toronto and, in general, a pretty smart guy from what I can tell. His knowledge of clinical psychology studies allows him to provide insights that many other “self-help” authors either miss or aren’t backing up with science. To paraphrase the success quote from him that inspired this article, “Success in life is predicted, primarily, by 2 traits: industriousness and intelligence.” (He also has a book out that is called “The 12 Rules for Life” which I have heard a lot about on podcasts so I am hoping to read it soon.)

First Layer of the Formula…

Coach Wheeler's Formula for SuccessThis probably won’t sound earth shattering but it should make immediate sense when you think about it. “The volume and quality of your work determines your [eventual] success in life.” Duh? Right?

If we stopped there, you probably would not get much out of this formula because that statement is common sense.  But if we go deeper, you should find more ideas that you can turn into actions which will lead you to more success in your chosen field.

Next Level…

As you can see in the diagram above, I am calling the “volume” side of the formula “Hard Work”. I think we can all agree that putting in more effort and time (the definition of “hard work”?), will result in more output and productivity. If you produce more, your results should (over time) lead to success.

What goes into “Hard Work”?

Hard Work - Formula for SuccessThe Formula for Success has 3 parameters under “Hard Work”. They are (1) Passion, (2) Health and (3) Consciences. Let’s look at each in more depth.

(HW-1) Passion. We all need motivation if we are going to put in the hard work that is needed for success. Developing the skills of self motivation will help you do the work that others (i.e. the competition) won’t. It will also help you go further than the competition as well. The reason it is such common wisdom to say “Live Your Passion” is because it is critical to enjoy the process of “work” … so you will do more than your competitors. Think about it this way, if you are motivated by a passion for your work… is it really HARD work? Probably not.  On the other hand, will you be passionate about everything you need to do? No, but we will talk about that in the third element of Hard Work, Consciences.

(HW-2) Health. This should be self-evident and common sense, but if you don’t maintain your health, you won’t be able to produce as much as possible. Letting your health decline will reduce your energy and may even “take you out of the game.” Aside from all the diet guru’s who are giving you weight management advice, Health is actually pretty simple. The three key elements of Health are a) Food, b) Sleep and c) Play.

I use the word “Play” (instead of exercise) on purpose. If you approach exercise as drudgery, you won’t enjoy it and I have heard that the effectiveness will actually decrease. Choose an exercise that you can, on some level, enjoy. It will energize your mind while building up your physical capacity at the same time.

Do we really need to discuss Diet & Sleep? 8 hours of sleep is a good goal but you can tell what works for you. If I could recommend one change to your diet, I would ask you to drink more water (instead of calorie-filled & chemical-filled drinks). We all know that green veggies are your friend… and they will impact your health & work output. Think about it like this… imagine you get a raise at work for every time you have a meal with green vegetables. [It doesn’t really work like that, but isn’t it a neat way to convince yourself to eat better?]

(HW-3) Consciences. This is related to self-discipline as well as self-identity. Are you the type of person who does what needs to be done? Especially WHEN it needs to be done? Author Jocko Willink has a good quote (and book by the same name), “Discipline = Freedom“. This is the one area that you can make the most immediate impact … if you pay attention to your thoughts and take control of your habitual ways of thinking.

Power of Habit by Charles DuhiggI’m not talking about willpower.  Willpower is  a limited resource and it can “go away” when you are tired at the end of a long day or you have a dip in your motivation. Be sure to build as much of your “need to do” activities into habits and routines that you don’t have to think about. A good book for learning how to do this is “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.

One more thing about Hard Work…

Before we look at the other side of the formula (Smarts), I should explain one particular part of the Hard Work diagram. Did you notice the words “Goya”, “Goya”, “Goya” where the connector lines lead into the Hard Work bubble? This is taken from a motivational speech by inspirational keynote speaker Croix Sather. GOYA is an acronym for “Get Off Your Ass”. In terms of Coach Wheeler’s formula for success, GOYA is a reminder that you need to TAKE ACTION and not just think about what you should be doing. This is also a great transition into the “Smarts” portion of Coach Wheeler’s Formula for Success… as we keep in mind that thinking alone won’t get you what you want!

Let’s Get Smart!

Smarts-Formula for SuccessThe second major component of Success is “Smarts” or “general intelligence”. Coach Wheeler breaks this down into 3 parts, (1) Knowledge, (2) Social Skills and (3) Problem Solving. Going back to Jordan B. Peterson, he has said that the studies show intelligence, as measured by IQ, is incredibly difficult to improve. On the other hand, Knowledge can continually be accumulated and you can gather facts or ideas that you can use across a wide variety of situations. Coach Wheeler also added Social Skills to his model for success and we will discuss how to build and leverage them more below.

(S-1) Knowledge. As we go through life, we pick up information that we can then apply to solving problems in the future. This increases the value of our output and increases our chances for success. As you learned above, IQ is tough to change but we can “look smart” by simply learning “the tricks” for success in a given situation. There are typically two ways that we learn… independent learning and structured learning.

Independent learning is when we take the initiative and learn on our own. Examples include watching instructional YouTube video or reading books. There is an amazing amount of information out there and we probably have more access to information now than at any other time in history thanks to the internet and search engines. Smart people continue to learn.

Structured learning would include traditional schooling or perhaps one-on-one coaching. One of my favorite sayings about school is “Math = Money”. This means that learning math in school will help you handle money (and grow your wealth) when you get out into the “real world”. Depending on the quality of your teachers, it might be easy to get bored or “zone out” in school. Stay focused and keep asking yourself questions that help you stay engaged. “How will I use this in my life?” is a good one to start.

(S-2) Social Skills. There are many different types of “Smarts” and your ability to work with, and influence, other people is a major consideration when determining the quality of your work. We are not saying that you should try to make everyone happy. Sometimes you need to create conflict to get what you want or solve the problem that you are presented.

Toastmasters - Public Speaking and LeadershipAnother way to look at social skills is your ability to communicate effectively. On top of that, your leadership skills figure into your eventual success. How do you improve these things? Join Toastmasters. They are a world-wide non-profit organization dedicate to helping their members improve their public speaking and leadership skills. Find a chapter near you by visiting their websiteToastmasters International.

(S-3) Problem Solving.  This is typically correlated to the people’s “inherited” qualities of IQ and creativity. Even though much of your qualities may be genetic, there is still a skill that can be developed. If you want more ideas on how to improve your Problem Solving, here is the first article in our series on the topic. To learn when we publish more Problem Solving articles, be sure to sign up for our email notification service (in the right column on this page).

It is a fair statment to say that the quality of your work output is generally tied directly to your ability to solve problems. Brain Power (i.e. IQ) is good to have, especially when you are tackling more complex problems but everyone can learn how to solve problems. If you are motivated and work hard at accumulating the knowledge you need to solve problems in your area of expertise, you will be successful. This is where I tell you that all the parts of Coach Wheeler’s Formula for Success work together to make you successful.  But you probably already figured that out, right?

Bottom Line…

Will Coach Wheeler’s Formula For Success work for you? Like they say “The program will work… if you work the program.” I don’t think there is anything too “out there” in this formula. It should be easy to understand… but what are you going to do with it? Can you “up your game” when it comes to Hard Work? What do you need to improve on the “Smarts” side of the Formula for Success? If you don’t change what you do, how can you expect different results? The choice is up to you. You can use the formula… or you can “go with the flow” and take whatever life gives you. Which do you think will turn out the best for you?

Downloadable Bonus !

Coach Wheeler's Formula for SuccessCongratulations! You have made it all the way to the end of this article. You deserve a reward for your efforts. (Hopefully the article was interesting and not exactly “hard work”.) Your bonus for making it this far is a downloadable copy of Coach Wheeler’s Formula for Success diagram. You are welcome to share it on social media and, ideally provide a link back to this article. Right-Click on the link below and “Save As” to get the downloadable PDF version!
SuccessFormula-download-CoachWheeler

 

Affirmations for Athletes

Afffirmations 4 Athletes by Coach WheelerAffirmations are a powerful way for you, as an athlete, to overcome ways of thinking that are holding you back from becoming your best.  Society has programmed many “limiting beliefs” into your mind over your lifetime. If you have read my post about Mental Management, you will notice that affirmations are one way that you can use your Conscious Mind to program your Subconscious Mind and improve your Self Image.

You will also find that doing affirmations on a regular basis will improve your focus on positive outcomes or goals while pushing out thoughts about the obstacles / limiting factors / fear of the unknown you might be experiencing.

This article will define affirmations, show you how to build effective ones as well as provide some samples that you can use or adapt to your own situation.

What are affirmations?

Affirmations are statements that you write down and say on a regular basis, ideally every day, multiple times a day. Repetition is key. The more often you say the affirmation, the more likely it is to come true.

Affirmations Experience by Scott AdamsDon’t believe me?

It is good to be skeptical, especially when we are talking about changing how your brain is programmed. On the other hand, if there is something that will make your life better, don’t you deserve to learn about it? Here is the link to an article by the creator of the comic strip Dilbert, Scott Adams, that talks about why he thinks affirmations work. He also talks extensively about his experiences using affirmations in his book, “How to fail at almost everything and still win big“. Let’s assume that between what Coach Wheeler and Scott Adams have said, you want to learn more about how to use affirmations to improve your life.

How do I create effective affirmations?

The key to making affirmations that work is three-fold…

(1) Affirmations must be in the present tense. They might start with “I am…” They are built on the assumption that the goal or state of being that you desire is already happening. This is important since your mind will begin to believe whatever you say, especially if it is repeated enough. I am sure you have seen this happen to someone, maybe even yourself, where sticking to their story for so long that you believe it is true. Even if the person is delusional (i.e. disconnected from reality), their decision making is based on the “future reality” that they desire and believe. Because of this, their actions fall in line with that reality. The result? You create the reality that you believe.

(2) Don’t use negatives. Replace negative statements with something positive that overcomes the negative. For example, if you want to reduce the number of turnovers you commit in games, don’t use “I won’t turn over the ball.” Instead, focus on the positive condition that removes the negative, such as “I am an excellent passer.”

Belief comes from repetition(3) True or Not? A successful affirmation should represent what you want to be true, not necessarily what is already true. Some people have trouble imagining a different life where they enjoy an upgraded existence, especially if they are in the middle of some sort of crisis. When things are not going your way, that is exactly when you need to develop a vision for a better tomorrow. The easiest way to make that “better tomorrow” happen is to imagine how it will feel and consistently program your mind to believe it will happen. Affirmations are the perfect tool to use the power of words to start thinking differently about your situation. Once you think different, you will act different and things will change.

Sample Affirmations for Athletes:

Below are some examples that you can use or adapt to fit your own situation. These sample affirmations are geared toward somethings that athletes may find helpful. If you have additional ideas, please be sure to leave a comment below!

  • I make every open shot.
  • I control the game.
  • I make my team mates better.
  • I deliver the ball so my team mates can easily score.
  • I am in amazing shape and better conditioned than my competitors.
  • I am mentally tough. Nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.
  • I am a winner.
  • I constantly learn, grow and improve my game.
  • I perform well under pressure.
  • I am a good team mate.
  • I work hard and produce results. *
  • I can be trusted and never let down my team. *

* These last couple affirmations are more “character-related” (versus skill-related or outcome-oriented). For a downloadable Character Assessment Worksheet based on the work by Brett Ledbetter from “What Drives Winning”, check out the link to this article. [link coming soon]

Bottom Line:

Warning… Don’t compare your affirmations with what other people are doing. Your affirmations are specifically for YOU and YOU can be great! Don’t let anyone tell you that your aspirations and goals are “unrealistic”. Greatness, by definition, requires you go beyond ordinary to achieve the “extraordinary” !

This is what will happen as you start doing affirmations. You will begin to notice when you are in situations like the ones in your affirmations. This recognition along with the memory of what you have stated in your affirmation will move you toward achieving your affirmation. Will it happen immediately? Not likely… but it could. You might realize that you were closer to your affirmation than you imagined. If not now, when? In other words, how sure are you that it will it happen eventually? 100%. The sooner you start your affirmations, the sooner you will see results.

 

36 Questions Generate “Closeness”

What if there were a series of 36 questions, a structured conversation, that was designed to make two people feel closer to one another? Could that increased connection or trust between teammates translate to higher performance for the team on the court or field of play?

There are indeed 36 questions and they only take about 45 minutes to discuss—and they almost always make two people feel better about each other and want to see each other again, according to social psychology researcher Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University in New York. Arthur published his results in “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness” in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 1997.

You can try these 36 questions with anyone, even a teammate. You could even try them on a date, but they’re not necessarily only applicable to fostering romantic closeness. You can also try them with people you already know — friends, family members, even long-term partners—to deepen your connection and feeling of closeness.

This is how it works…

Each person  should take a turn answering each question. The order is important since the questions are designed to build on each other. Here are 36 questions to generate closeness, in order:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and I appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell me your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of each other. Share a total of five items each.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “we are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with me, please share what would be important for me to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

… and a few variations (from Psychology Today):

  • If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it?
  • Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?
  • While on a trip to another city, your spouse/lover meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and could never otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?
36 questions for your team

Did you find this article interesting? How could you apply the 36 questions to your team? Would  you would them roll out over a few days? a few weeks? Perhaps as team-building exercise? What questions do you have about the questions? Please leave a comment below with y7our ideas or feedback!