Mental Toughness – Value of Problems – Part II

If you have not seen my previous Mental Toughness post: “Challenges & Problems”, check it out by clicking here.  Now let’s learn how to think differently so you can solve your problems and avoid some problems altogether.

Let’s understand Problems

Mark Manson points out in his book, that our personal values and the standards we set for ourselves “determine the nature of our problems and the nature of our problems determines the quality of our life.” In other words, good problems = good life (and the opposite).  Add to this the fact that we get (in terms of problems & results) what we accept based on the standards we set for ourselves and those around us.

Control the meaning of your problems…

Mark goes on to say, “Problems may be inevitable but their meaning is not. We get to control what our problems mean based on how we choose to think about them [and] the standard by which we choose to measure them.”

One man’s problem is another man’s dream.

Going back to our rich and poor example. The rich person might lose a million dollars in a day… but it is such a small part of their overall wealth that it means nothing. The poor person might misplace a dollar bill and it means everything to them because it is all that they have.

Problems have meaning and the good news is
that we get to choose that meaning.

What if the rich person chose to think that losing a million dollars was not a simple fluctuating in the stock market and was the start of financial ruin? The meaning of the loss could be ominous or inconsequential. Which one is right? Neither. Or maybe both. The point is that we CHOOSE what things mean for ourselves and very often it has more to do with our habitual thinking than the “reality” of the situation.

5 Counter-intuitive ways of thinking

Mark Manson offers 5 new “ways of thinking” which can help you become better at solving your problems and recognizing opportunities for personal growth. The 5 Ways or “New Value”are…

  1. Radical Responsibility
  2. Empower Uncertainty
  3. Embrace Failure
  4. Leverage Rejections
  5. Gain Perspective of Mortality

Radical Responsibility means taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life. It doesn’t mean that everything is your fault… just that you have the ability to respond to anything in your life. Everyone will encounter problems that are not their fault, but it is HOW you RESPOND that determines the quality of your life. What most people miss is the idea that we have much more control over our lives than we imagine. Unfortunately, most people just “go along” with whatever is expected and, as a result, they get mediocre (or worse) results. Bottom Line… Take Responsibility for your life. That’s a radical idea isn’t it?

Uncertainty is another opportunity for personal growth. If you already know all the answers, you won’t be searching for new ideas or new answers. If you adopt an uncertain approach, you are open to opportunities you would have missed. We should also keep in mind that there are things we don’t even know that we don’t know. Open the door to uncertainty.

Embrace Failure. We are all going to fail at one time or another. We can let it eat us up or we can see it as what it really is… a learning opportunity. Failure highlights our “blind spots” in ways that we rarely seek out. Think of failure as a gift… but don’t quit.

This might sound good, but what if you can’t even think of a potential plan of attack? What if the prospect of a HUGE failure is intimidating and you still don’t know where to start? What if it seems like you have already failed… before you are even “in the game”?

Lower the bar for failure… Do Something

Mark Manson explains a great way to lessen the anxiety associated with potential failure through the “Do Something” rule that he learned from one of his teachers. “If you are stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about it; Just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what you are doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.”

“Don’t just sit there.
Do Something.
The answers will follow.”

Mark adds, “Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.” Once you take action, you often find that the small successes provide motivation while the small failures provide ideas that point you into a productive direction. “If we follow the ‘Do Something’ principle, failure feels unimportant.”

So, start failing. Start small. Do Something. Do anything. As Nike says, “Just Do It.”

Leverage Rejection. Manson says, “We are defined by what we choose to reject.” For example, if we value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X. What we reject defines our identity. If we don’t reject something we don’t stand for anything. Decide what you stand for. It will make your decisions clearer and keep your life aligned with your important values.

Gain Perspective from Mortality. We could all be hit by a bus tomorrow… but we rarely think about how short our life could be. In the timeline of the cosmos, we are a flash in the pan, a brief flicker in history so how much does it matter that someone cuts you off in traffic? Stoic philosophers would advocate to think about death at all times so we would appreciate our life more.  Mark Twain once wrote, “The fear of death follows the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

Your own mortality is the ultimate “Big Picture” view and it helps put everything into perspective. Don’t deny your mortality… use it !

Which Problem is worth a F&ck?

Bottom line, you get to choose how you respond to the problems in your life, how you solve problems and even which problem you choose to tackle. Problems are a blessing and each new one gives us an opportunity to grow. What do you give a f*ck about?

 

 

W.I.N. – What’s Important Now?

It is a simple question… “What’s Important Now?” It is also a powerful tool for shaping / programming / improving your thinking to achieve your highest priority goals.

Lou Holtz Book - Whats Important NowThe W.I.N. approach has been used by legendary coaches such as football’s Lou Holtz and the NBA’s Pat Riley. Lou Holtz asked his players to ask themselves the W.I.N. question 25-35 times per day so they would keep themselves on track with the most important goals or activities they had as college football players and students.

Why does W.I.N. work?

“What’s Important Now?” forces your mind to consider your priorities and TAKE Action on them. Once you decide something is important, each time you ask yourself the W.I.N. question, you are reminded that NOW is the time to take action and move in the direction of your goal!

The other reason it works is the fact that “What we focus on increases”. If we focus on the negative things happening in our lives, we see more negatives. By focusing on the positives, we see that there are more good things going on than we may have thought. When you focus on your priorities and goals, you begin to see opportunities and new ways to achieve them. So why don’t we focus on the positives?

Left to itself, the mind runs whatever programs it has accumulated over the years. Unfortunately for many of us, there are plenty of self-defeating programs running around in our heads telling us things such as “you aren’t good enough”, “I’m not ready” or “Tomorrow would be a better time to start”. The “What’s Important Now” question short circuits that thinking and makes us focus on ONE thing… the most important thing. In many ways it simply bypasses our negative programming.

“What’s important now”
also tricks your mind

The other way that the W.I.N. question tricks your mind is that it automatically breaks down your biggest goals into smaller bite-sized actions or steps that you can take NOW. It is about doing something in the present rather than trying to make the huge jump into an ideal future. The “mind trick” occurs when, before you know it, you have either achieved your highest priority (and need to set a new one) or you look up and find that you are about to achieve it. By asking “What’s Important Now” on a regular basis, many times per day, you are training your brain to move toward achieving your highest priority. You are also putting blinders on so that you are not distracted by lower priority activities.

The REAL question is …

Now that you have learned about it, are you going to W.I.N.? Do you know “What’s Important Now”… for you? How are you going to put this idea to work for your life?

Please leave a comment below and tell us your plan or, better yet, tell us how the “What’s Important Now?” question has worked for you! Isn’t your life important enough to apply this powerful tool?

 

Arnold on Making it Happen

Below is a excellent video for anyone who wants to accomplish something great.  Whether you want to become an all-state basketball player, a 1000 point scorer for your school or even get an academic scholarship to college, the ideas that Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about in this video can be applied to your life.

The concepts are not difficult to understand… it is all in how they are applied that counts. Are you going to be the winner who takes control of their life or are you going to let life “happen to you”?  Watch this video and decide how you are going to make your life outstanding!

Want someone to talk to about your plans for greatness?

Coach WheelerCoach Wheeler can be hired via Coachup.com for one hour sessions either in person or via telephone or Skype (sign up for an in-person session and we will set up the telephone/skype option).

Or you can ask one of your team mates or friends to watch the video and then have a conversation with them about what each of you are going to do differently.

Don’t let someone else talk you out of implementing Arnold’s words of wisdom. The time you spent watching the video will have been wasted if you do nothing with it. Make it worthwhile. Make something happen!

Mental Toughness – Control Your Story

Narrative is the story you are telling yourself.

You have a voice in your head that is narrating or explaining what everything in your life means. Picture Morgan Freeman’s voice doing a play-by-play as your coach tells you that you won’t be starting the next game.  Maybe the voice says “The coach hates me.” or “The coach has his favorite players and there is nothing I can do to change his mind.” With this thinking (and the story it implies), are you likely to do the things which will get you into the starting lineup any time soon? Probably not.

On the other hand, what if Morgan Freeman said, “The team we are playing is very tall and obviously coach thinks we need our taller players in there.” or “I wonder what I need to do to get into the starting lineup?” or “Coach has always treated me fairly so he must have a good reason for not starting me. I will need to ask him to explain it to me so I can find a way to contribute to the team’s success.”

Where do these stories in my head come from?

The story we tell ourselves is built on the beliefs we have accumulated over the years and it can be hard to change our thinking… or it can be as easy as considering a different (more effective) story to explain the situation. This is the difference of being controlled by your past or developing the mental toughness skill of actively CHOOSING how you interpret events in your life.

How do I change the Narrative or Story I tell myself?

Get some alternatives. Ask someone else how they would explain the situation, preferably someone who does not have an interest in the outcome. Often your family’s beliefs are the same or at least very similar to our own beliefs. This means that they may not offer stories or narratives that are substantially different from our own and their stories may not give you a better course of action.

Find an “objective 3rd party”, i.e. someone who is not part of the “problem”, and see what types of explanations they can find for you.

What if the new story is not true?

Living in denial of the truth will certainly bring poor results but the reality is that there are a multitude of ways that events in your life can be interpreted. Clearly you need to recognize the facts of the case, like in our example the fact that the coach said you are not starting in the next game.

The key is how you react to the facts… and the sooner you realize that while you might initially think a particular circumstance is “good” or “bad” it is often how we react that makes it good or bad for us. Choose to be mentally tough and create your own story.

You can change your story…

… and this can open up all kinds of opportunities that you would have missed.

“Problems are not solved at the same level of thinking that created them.” – Albert Einstein

Comments on Changing Your Narrative and Creating Your own Story are welcome and encouraged…

Let’s build a winning mindset

Let's build a winning mindsetLet me start off by telling you…

I don’t have all the answers.  I have some answers and I ask questions of some very smart and experienced people so that I can find out some clues to the answers, but I am a work-in-process and you should apply your own common sense before you try anything that I might suggest. (Or anything other people suggest.)

What’s so important about “building a winning mindset”?

If you have found this blog, I suspect that you already have an appreciation for the fact that winning starts in your head.  Your mindset is made up of many components… values, beliefs, theories, hunches and much more (that I will explore on this blog). Having said that, we are usually our own worst enemy when it comes to achieving our goals, either in life or on the basketball court. Often we know what needs to be done but we don’t do it. Or we could figure out a solution if we would just recognize the problem.

Why is Coach Wheeler writing this blog?

Over the years, I have learned quite a bit about performance psychology and how the mind can be trained to improve your performance.  As a basketball coach, I teach my players how they can control their mind to improve their skills as basketball players and, hopefully, they can apply those same lessons beyond the basketball court.  If you are reading this blog, my hope is that you can use the basketball stories as examples and then apply the lessons to your own life as well.

Why are there questions before every paragraph?

I find that it makes the articles easier to read … and it helps me organize my thoughts.  Does it bother you?  Or does it make it easier for you to read the articles?  Let me know in the comments section.

Do you have a question that you would like to ask… add that in the comment section too !

What if you have a question that you don’t want to make public?  Use the “Contact Form” on my InviteOnlyBasketball.com site or on this site to send me a message.