Self Image Archives - Building a Winning Mindset

Find Success After “I Can’t”

By Coach Wheeler

As a basketball coach, there’s one phrase that has always struck a nerve with me: “I can’t.”

I remember vividly the countless times I introduced a new skill or drill to a player, only to hear those dreaded words: “I can’t do it, Coach.” It felt like they were giving up before even trying, as if they had already decided failure was the only option. But over the years, I’ve come to realize something powerful: Success often lies just beyond that “I can’t.” If we can help ourselves—or others—push past that moment of doubt, there’s a whole world of growth and achievement waiting.

Let’s explore why we get stuck at “I can’t,” how to overcome it, and how to use that turning point to find success in every aspect of life.

Why “I Can’t” Feels So Real

When we say “I can’t,” it’s usually not about a true lack of ability. More often, it’s about fear, doubt, or a lack of vision.

Fear of Failure: Nobody likes to fail, especially in front of others. Saying “I can’t” is a protective mechanism. It’s easier to claim defeat upfront than to risk falling short after giving it a try.
Self-Doubt: Many people underestimate their own potential. They assume that because they haven’t done something before, they’ll never be able to.
Lack of Vision: Sometimes, people simply can’t see themselves succeeding. They can’t picture the steps or the outcome, so they shut down the idea entirely.

This is why “I can’t” often sounds like “I won’t.” It’s not that they lack the physical ability—it’s that their mindset has created a mental block.

The “Can’t Point”

I call it the “Can’t Point”: That moment when someone bumps into the edge of their comfort zone.

For a basketball player, it might be the first time they attempt a spin move or shoot a three-pointer under pressure. For someone in life, it could be learning a new skill, speaking in front of a crowd, or starting a new venture.

The “Can’t Point” is where most people stop … where they let Self Doubt keep them from moving forward.

But here’s the truth: this is where the magic happens. The “Can’t Point” is not a wall; it’s a threshold. Beyond it lies growth, success, and achievement. The challenge is getting past it.

The Role of Confidence

One of my biggest jobs as a coach is to help players see their own potential—even when they can’t see it themselves. When a player says, “I can’t,” my response is usually something like this:

“Yes, you can. I’ve seen you do tougher things before. Let’s break it down step by step. I know you’ve got this.”

It’s amazing how much of a difference confidence—whether it comes from within or from someone else—can make. A player might go from refusing to try to giving their best effort simply because I expressed my belief in them.

Here’s the takeaway for you: if you don’t believe in yourself, borrow belief from someone who does. Surround yourself with coaches, mentors, or friends who see your potential. Their confidence can bridge the gap until you develop your own.

5 Steps to Move Beyond “I Can’t”

So how do you move beyond the “Can’t Point”? It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

1. Break It Down

Big challenges feel overwhelming because we see them as a single, massive task. Break it into smaller, manageable pieces. For example, when teaching a player to execute a spin move, I don’t just say, “Spin and score.” I break it down into footwork, hand placement, and timing.

Do the same in your own life. Want to run a marathon but feel like “I can’t”? Start with a single mile… a single walk down to the corner and back. Want to master public speaking? Begin by talking in front of a small group.

Like I say in my book, “One Step At A Time”, every great accomplishment is the result of a load of small steps, each one easy to accomplish if you just take action in the direction of your dreams.

2. Reframe the Challenge

Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you can learn. Think of it this way… Every “I can’t” is an opportunity to either succeed or to grow. Keep trying until “you can”.

Another way to reframe the challenge is to change your mindset from “I can’t” to “I haven’t done it yet.” That small shift in language, adding the word “yet” can make a huge difference. It WILL happen. It just hasn’t happened YET.

3. Visualize Success

A lack of vision is a common reason people get stuck at “I can’t.” Maybe you “can’t” see how you could accomplish it (yet). If someone was wearing a blindfold would you say they “can’t” see? Or is there just something in the way of them seeing what needs to be done?

Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine yourself succeeding. Picture what it will look and feel like when you’ve accomplished the task. Visualization primes your brain for action and makes success feel more attainable.

4. Embrace the Struggle

Here’s the truth: it’s supposed to be hard.

Growth happens when we struggle and push through our current limites and overcome challenges. Instead of avoiding discomfort, accept it as part of the process of growing and lean into it.

Remind yourself that every time you overcome a “Can’t Point,” you’re getting stronger and more capable.

5. Take Imperfect Action

You don’t have to get it right on the first try. Most people don’t.

The key is to take action anyway. As I often tell my players, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Success is built on a foundation of attempts, failures, and adjustments.

Don’t let yourself get stuck at your “Can’t Point”.

Take Action. Any action is better than being stuck. If the results of your action turn out to be a “less than desirable outcome”, learn from it (#2-Reframe the Challenge) and try again!

A Real-Life Example… “I can’t make foul shots”

Let me share a story from my basketball coaching exploits. There was a young player I was coaching who struggled with free throws. Every time they stepped to the line in practice, they’d miss a few and mutter, “I can’t shoot free throws, Coach.”

One day, I pulled them aside and said, “What if I told you that you’re one small adjustment away from becoming the best free-throw shooter on the team? Let’s figure it out together.”

We spent extra time working on form, routine, and mindset. We settled on a simple routine for every shot. If you can make one free throw, you simply need to repeat that routine every time and you should never miss. The basket is not moving. You are standing in the same spot every time. Plus, the “free” part of free throw means that there is no one guarding you. There is no reason to ever miss a free throw, especially after you have practiced it … and practiced it … and practiced it… until it is the same every time!

I encouraged them to focus on progress, not perfection. Slowly but surely, they improved. By the end of the season, they were sinking free throws under pressure and grinning at the line.

What changed? They stopped saying “I can’t” and started saying “I’ll try.” That small shift unlocked their potential and gave them a chance to succeed every time they went to the foul line.

How You Can Use This

You don’t have to be a basketball player to apply these principles. The next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t,” pause and ask yourself a few questions:

Is it really true?
What’s one small step I can take right now?
Who can I ask for support or guidance?

Most importantly, remind yourself that “I can’t” is just a feeling, not a fact.

Success Lies Just Beyond

The phrase “I can’t” might feel like a stopping point, but in reality, it’s a starting line. Success doesn’t come from avoiding challenges; it comes from facing them head-on and refusing to quit.

As a coach, I’ve seen players go from “I can’t” to “I did it” more times than I can count. Each time, it’s a reminder of what’s possible when we push past our doubts and embrace our potential.

Remember: The moment you say “I can’t” is the moment you’re standing at the edge of greatness. Take one more step. Try one more time. That’s where success is waiting.

So, the next time you hear yourself—or someone else—say “I can’t,” smile and think: “I’m just getting started.”

Go out there and claim your success. It’s closer than you think.

Perception is Reality:

Perception is reality – this three-word phrase carries profound significance. It is the lens through which we view our world, shaping our understanding of ourselves, the people around us, and society at large. It is not just a point of view, but a fundamental truth that influences our actions, reactions, and ultimately, our results. As we embark on the journey to winning, we must first triumph over the battleground of perception.

Winning the Inner Game

This chapter explores the three pillars of perception – Perception of others in our life, Perception of you as created within society/social media, and Perception of self. We’ll learn from the wisdom of thought leaders like Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Jordan Peterson, Geno Auriemma, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, and John Wooden, drawing upon their writings and speeches to enlighten our understanding.

The Power of Your Tribe:
Perception of Others in Your Life

In the quest for winning, the role of those around us cannot be overstated. As the legendary Jim Rohn observed, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This reality showcases the transformative power of our immediate social circle – their perceptions can significantly shape our personal reality. It’s a phenomenon of social mirroring, wherein we unconsciously adopt the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of those closest to us.

The charismatic life coach Tony Robbins emphasizes the connection between the quality of our lives and the expectations of our peer group. We are deeply influenced, consciously and unconsciously, by their perceptions and expectations.

So, how can we leverage this reality? Be intentional about the company you keep. Seek out those who inspire you, who push you to grow. Yet, maintain your uniqueness. Absorb the positive, let the negative flow past. Remember, you are not merely a reflection of others’ perceptions – you are the artist of your own reality.

The Digital Persona:
Perception of You Created Within Society/Social Media

As we navigate the digital age, the perception of us within society and on social media has taken on a new dimension. It’s an arena where perception can often eclipse reality. This phenomenon reminds us of the wisdom imparted by John Wooden, the exceptional basketball coach, who said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.”

Today, our society shapes a narrative, a brand of ‘you.’ Social media platforms magnify this perception, often blurring the lines between reality and illusion. Robbins suggests, “It’s not about the goal. It’s about growing to become the person that can accomplish that goal.” Society and social media can either facilitate or hinder this growth.

How can we navigate this new digital reality? Remember, you are more than your online persona. Authenticity resonates. Stand for your values, share not just your triumphs but also your trials. Use these platforms to inspire, to learn, and to narrate your own unique journey. You are the author of your story, society, and social media are just the platforms.

The Inner Self:
Perception of Who You Are

What do you see when you look in the mirror every morning?

Jordan Peterson, a noted psychologist, preaches the importance of putting your house in order before criticizing the world. This advice extends to our perception as well. Our self-perception lays the foundation of our reality. It’s the prism through which we view and interpret the world.

However, we often fall into the trap of becoming our own harshest critics. This skewed self-perception can create a harsher reality than what truly exists. Geno Auriemma, a renowned basketball coach, aptly said, “What you permit, you promote. What you allow, you encourage.” If we permit a distorted self-perception, we promote a distorted reality.

How can we adjust this perception? Robbins proposes changing our strategy. Understand that you are a work in progress. Recognize your flaws, but celebrate your strengths. Own your mistakes, but also revel in your victories. The pursuit is not for perfection but for progression. By embracing our complexities, we start altering the perception of self.

Overcoming Frustration

Overcome your frustration by changing your perception of reality

Embarking on the journey of changing perception isn’t easy. It’s fraught with frustrations and obstacles. But as Robbins advises, “Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.” Frustrations are not walls, they are mirrors. They reflect what we need to understand about our perceptions and ourselves.

John Wooden’s philosophy adds a powerful perspective to dealing with frustrations – “Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” When faced with frustration, focus on your strengths and abilities. Transform frustrations into growth opportunities.

Barack Obama’s wisdom fits here beautifully. He once said, “Change is never easy, but always possible.” Changing perceptions is no different. It’s a journey filled with challenges, but the destination makes the journey worthwhile.

Abraham Lincoln’s statement provides another layer of insight. He said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” We can apply this to our perceptions. We can shape our future by consciously molding our perceptions today.

Wrap UP

Pick the facts you want and reinforce them in everything you do

“Perception is reality.” This powerful statement carries immense implications for our journey towards winning. However, perception is not fixed. Like a river, it is fluid, adapting and evolving with time. It is influenced by our experiences and in turn, influences our reality.

Navigating the journey of perception may seem like traversing a complex maze, but it is through this maze that we come to understand ourselves and our world. Every twist, every turn, every dead-end, and every clear path offers lessons for growth.

Embark on this journey with courage, patience, and resilience. For it is through understanding and molding our perceptions that we earn our victories, not just in the world outside, but most importantly, in the battleground within. In the end, perception isn’t just reality, it’s the foundation upon which our winning is built and ultimately, earned.

What is your experience?
Please share in the comments!

Please leave a comment below and let us know your experiences with the “Perception is Reality” concept in your life, good or bad. It will make our website more interesting and we would really appreciate it!

Additional Resources related to
“Perception is Reality”….

Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within“ – This book delves deep into the concept of personal perception and provides actionable steps on how to harness and change our perceptions. You can look for it on Amazon or other book-selling platforms.

Jordan Peterson’s “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” – Peterson explores the importance of self-perception and self-improvement. This book can be found on multiple platforms like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. [The hardcover version is, at the time of this writing, selling for less than $15 on Amazon.com.]

Jim Rohn‘s “7 Strategies for Wealth & Happiness” – This book presents strategies on how to better navigate the influence of others’ perceptions in your life.

John Wooden‘s “Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court” – This book provides insights into how society’s perception of an individual can influence their actions.

The Obama White House Archives – On this website, you can find many speeches where Barack Obama discusses change and overcoming adversity.

Geno Auriemma’s Interviews and Speeches – Auriemma often speaks about self-perception and leadership in sports. His interviews and speeches can be found on various sports news websites and video-sharing platforms like YouTube.

Lincoln’s Letters and Speeches – Abraham Lincoln’s letters and speeches are insightful, many of which discuss the power of self-creation and shaping one’s future. These can be found on academic databases or dedicated historical sites.

Other points of view:

“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain – This book provides a contrasting view on how perception is influenced by introverted versus extroverted personality traits.

“The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains” by Nicholas Carr – This book discusses the impact of the internet (including social media) on our minds, offering a different perspective on the influence of digital platforms on our self-perception and reality.

the “Myth” of Talent

I dislike the whole concept of “talent”. It assumes that some people have it and others do not. I believe that everyone is different and, for some people, “talent” may be buried or unseen for years or decades. Skill, on the other hand, is something that is always available for improvement. It is easy to see where you stand in terms of specific skills. On the other hand, the amount of “talent”, or even “potential talent” you have is difficult to determine precisely.

The fixed vs. growth mindset
Let’s start by saying that I am a firm believer in the growth mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck wrote a book that said individuals can possess either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. Those with a fixed mindset believe that abilities are inherent, fixed traits that cannot be significantly developed. On the other hand, individuals with a growth mindset understand skills and abilities can be cultivated. You can grow your abilities through dedication, effort, and learning.

This mindset dichotomy has far-reaching implications for the perception of talent. Some argue that talent is an innate, predetermined quality that sets individuals apart. The concept of a growth mindset challenges this notion. By emphasizing the importance of continuous learning, practice, and resilience you can develop your skills to their full potential. By accepting a growth mindset, individuals can tap into their capacity for growth. This can unlock your true potential, blurring the lines between talent and skill.

The Skill Stack:

In the ongoing debate between skill and talent, one concept that challenges the conventional understanding is the “skill stack.” This is a term coined by the renowned cartoonist and author Scott Adams. The skill stack refers to the combination of various skills that an individual possesses. Rather than focusing solely on innate talent or singular expertise, the skill stack emphasizes the value of acquiring a diverse range of skills and leveraging them in unique ways.

According to Adams, the skill stack is like building a personal inventory of abilities that, when combined, create a unique advantage in the professional world. By developing a collection of skills, even if they are not individually exceptional, individuals can create a distinctive skill set that sets them apart from others. It’s a concept that challenges the notion that talent alone determines success and highlights the power of deliberate skill acquisition.

The skill stack approach opens up opportunities for individuals who may not possess a specific talent but are willing to invest time and effort into developing multiple complementary skills. Rather than relying on a single outstanding ability, individuals can tap into the potential of their skill stack, combining their strengths to tackle complex problems and adapt to changing environments. This perspective challenges the traditional belief that success is predetermined by talent, suggesting that the path to success lies in intentionally cultivating and combining a broad range of skills.

By embracing the skill stack mindset, individuals can actively pursue learning and acquiring new skills, constantly expanding their repertoire. This approach allows for continuous growth and adaptability, enabling individuals to navigate diverse challenges and seize opportunities in an ever-changing world. The skill stack concept shifts the focus from fixed abilities to the development of a versatile skill set, ultimately empowering individuals to create their own unique paths to success.

Talent is just the most visible part of your skill stack. It’s what is on top of the stack. It does not mean that you don’t have other, perhaps even more impressive, “talents” or undeveloped skills. It is just visible… now.

Talent is what you make of it
How old was Michael Jordan when he first dunked in a game? (see the video below) What if he never practiced after the first time? Would he have made it to the NBA? Would he win 6 NBA championships? Probably not.

You may see a glimpse of your talent early in your life. However, if it is not developed through hard work, learning your craft and attention to details, you will never achieve your highest potential.

In summary, the skill stack mentality challenges the myth of talent. By highlighting the acquisition and combination of diverse skills, you will be able to achieve your highest potential. Success is not solely determined by the abilities you were born with but rather by the deliberate cultivation of a varied skill set. By embracing the skill stack mentality approach, you can unlock your full potential, adapt to new circumstances, and carve out your own path to success in a dynamic and competitive world.

Game Face – Get it ON!

This blog article is dedicated to Eddie Siebert. Coach Wheeler, back when he was Player Wheeler, played with (and won championships) with him. Eddie taught me about the importance of “game face”. His famous quote, before every game, was “Get Your Game Face On!”

The video below from BasketballBrain.com is a great overview of the 3 types of approaches used by basketball players and it is worth watching. Check it out…

The 3 types of basketball game face from the video are 1) Joyous, 2) No Expression and 3) Mean, Fierce or Angry. The video has some excellent NBA examples of each one so you can learn more about each one. The key to all of them is that they bring a focus to your game and just like you can improve your mood by physically smiling, the way you move your face can impact the way you feel and how you play the game.

Which one are you?

First, let me say that you NEED a Game Face. It is a sign to your team mates, your coach and even your opponents that you are serious about winning the game. The question is… Which game face works for you? I should also add that you may tap into different ones depending on the game situation and how you or your team is playing. Sometimes they need a “kick in the pants” and a Fierce Game Face might be needed. Or you might be getting shut down by the other team’s defense so you could break through and show some Joy (and your confidence) when you school them.

It is contagious!

Your attitude, demonstrated through your game face and how you play, is contagious and is an important way you can influence your team. Michael Jordan set a very high standard for the Bulls and they rose to the challenge. (The Washington Wizards… not so much.) What attitude are you bringing to your team? Are you making the practices more effective? Or just walking through them and not getting better? Your attitude & how you express it should help your team, not slow them down or give them reasons to doubt your commitment to winning.

Want to learn more about Attitude?

Visit the “Attitude” page with all the articles about Attitude from the Building a Winning Mindset Blog ! It is important and there are lots of ways to look at it.

Think about it…

What kind of attitude do you want to bring to the game? How are you going to step up so you can defeat the competition? The choice is yours. Now, GO GET YOUR GAME FACE ON !

The GRIND – Summer Basketball Edition

Time 2 GRIND Summer is when you can make huge improvements as a basketball player… especially if you grind. GRINDing is all about putting in the effort to get better.

Do you GRIND?

The GRIND is about overcoming obstacles. It is about staying motivated to execute your training plan. It is having a training plan in the first place. It is about the attitude that says “Nothing will stop me” and “I will do whatever needs to be done to achieve my goal(s)”.

Bottom line… if you are not part of TEAM GRIND, you will certainly lose to players who are out there grinding every day this summer.

How to start GRINDing

You might say to yourself… “I really like to be comfortable and kick back but I also want to accomplish great things so how do I become a grinder?” You probably recognize how important it is to put in the hours if you want to improve, but, honestly, there are some days when you REALLY don’t feel like it. What do I do?

(1) Imagine yourself as a GRINDER

Your self image determines the actions you will take and which ones you won’t. If you want to put in the effort, you need to see yourself as someone who GRINDS!

How do you change your self image? Here are some ideas…

GET THE T-Shirt. If you are wearing a t-shirt that proclaims you as someone who GRINDS, then people around you will see the shirt and expect you to put in the effort. Other people’s expectations (along with your own) can shape your self image so that you are more likely to build the characteristics of a GRINDER into your picture of who you are.

Use Your Words. The words we use when we talk to other people are important because they set the expectations other people then place on us. We need to be sure that we don’t put ourselves down by saying things like “I can’t GRIND like he can.”

These words, spoken to other people, are important but even more important are the words we use when we “talk to ourselves”. If you say the same statement to yourself, your subconscious mind accepts it as the truth and programs your self image to represent that “truth”. In other words, we hold ourselves back (or get better) by the words we use. Our subconscious mind and our self image (more about these in my article about Mental Management here), don’t care as much about what is “true” as much as what you believe is true, or what could be true.

What if we changed the statement to “I am not at the level of GRIND that he is YET but I am working on it.” Doesn’t that feel different? If you say it enough, you will begin to believe it. More about Affirmations here.

(2) Make A Plan

If you lay out all the small steps that go into your long term plan for improvement, each one will be smaller and more likely to be accomplished. The truth is that the GRIND is about taking the one small step that is right in front of you. That’s the only thing you need to do. One step in front of the other. That’s how you run a marathon or become a lights-out shooter.

In addition, your plan will include milestones where you can start to see your progress. An example might be the first time you run a 5K (3.1 miles) without stopping to walk. Or it could be the first time you make 50% of your shots in a drill. Or 75%. Or 100%. You might not notice an improvement from one day to the next… but over a month or two, you will be able to look back on where you started and see how far you have come.

Your plan should also have a BHAG or Big Hairy Audacious Goal that is so BIG (and Hairy, whatever that means to you) that it will push you beyond your perceived limits. Want to dunk a basketball on the first day of tryouts next season? The time to GRIND is NOW! Do the workouts all Summer. Find new workouts to improve your vertical leap by searching YouTube.

(3) Partner up

If you can find someone with similar goals, you can help each other put in the work. There will be times when you won’t want to workout, but you can’t let down your team mate. This added accountability means that you will be less likely to miss a workout… and you will do the same for your team mate.

Don’t Let Me Down. Another way to boost your accountability is to announce your goals publicly. If your friends and team mates are anything like mine, they will constantly ask you how your plan to GRIND is coming… and maybe tease you a little bit if you don’t measure up. Go ahead and put your goals on Facebook. Or make an Instagram video explaining what you are going to do this summer.

Want to take it one step further?

Post a link to your Facebook “Declaration of GRIND” or Instagram video in the comment section below. Our readers (and Coach Wheeler) will definitely follow up to see how you are doing!

Summer will be over before you know it. Either you will get better or you will stay the same (which means you get worse compared to the competition who got better). Take control of your destiny and make a plan… and commit to the GRIND!

Will it be easy? Probably not.Will it be worth it? Definitely. Will you have to give up all the fun that happens in the Summer? Not necessarily. You can still go to the beach… and may go for a run before taking a dip in the cool water. You can still have fun while you GRIND. In fact, that is probably the best way to GRIND. Make it fun, involve others and at the end of the Summer you will be amazed by all the great experiences you have had as well as the improvements that will take your game to a whole new level for next season. Start the GRIND… now!