Mental Toughness – Control Your Story

Narrative is the story you are telling yourself.

You have a voice in your head that is narrating or explaining what everything in your life means. Picture Morgan Freeman’s voice doing a play-by-play as your coach tells you that you won’t be starting the next game.  Maybe the voice says “The coach hates me.” or “The coach has his favorite players and there is nothing I can do to change his mind.” With this thinking (and the story it implies), are you likely to do the things which will get you into the starting lineup any time soon? Probably not.

On the other hand, what if Morgan Freeman said, “The team we are playing is very tall and obviously coach thinks we need our taller players in there.” or “I wonder what I need to do to get into the starting lineup?” or “Coach has always treated me fairly so he must have a good reason for not starting me. I will need to ask him to explain it to me so I can find a way to contribute to the team’s success.”

Where do these stories in my head come from?

The story we tell ourselves is built on the beliefs we have accumulated over the years and it can be hard to change our thinking… or it can be as easy as considering a different (more effective) story to explain the situation. This is the difference of being controlled by your past or developing the mental toughness skill of actively CHOOSING how you interpret events in your life.

How do I change the Narrative or Story I tell myself?

Get some alternatives. Ask someone else how they would explain the situation, preferably someone who does not have an interest in the outcome. Often your family’s beliefs are the same or at least very similar to our own beliefs. This means that they may not offer stories or narratives that are substantially different from our own and their stories may not give you a better course of action.

Find an “objective 3rd party”, i.e. someone who is not part of the “problem”, and see what types of explanations they can find for you.

What if the new story is not true?

Living in denial of the truth will certainly bring poor results but the reality is that there are a multitude of ways that events in your life can be interpreted. Clearly you need to recognize the facts of the case, like in our example the fact that the coach said you are not starting in the next game.

The key is how you react to the facts… and the sooner you realize that while you might initially think a particular circumstance is “good” or “bad” it is often how we react that makes it good or bad for us. Choose to be mentally tough and create your own story.

You can change your story…

… and this can open up all kinds of opportunities that you would have missed.

“Problems are not solved at the same level of thinking that created them.” – Albert Einstein

Comments on Changing Your Narrative and Creating Your own Story are welcome and encouraged…